Thursday, December 23, 2010
The longest night of the year
A once-in-a-lifetime event took place the other night, or better, in the wee hours of the morning, as a lunar eclipse coincided with the winter solstice on December 21, 2010. It was without a doubt spectacular. On the longest, darkest night of the year, the giant, full, golden moon rose and turned silver. This much I saw at various moments throughout the night, coming and going. Then, in a semi-sleepy, super-excited state, a little before 2 a.m. my boyfriend and I bundled up, by Florida standards, and made for the beach to watch as the silver moon slowly turned an amber-orange color and began to darken. It was such a clear night. There were stars visible everywhere we looked, no small feat for largely light-polluted south Florida, and the ocean was rolling with soft, steady surf. I have been blessed to witness Mother Nature exhibit herself with unspeakable beauty, majesty and grace in many ways. This absolutely ranks high among them.
Not only was this occurrence beautiful but powerful as well. You need not be an astrology expert to know that when such significant events align, the energy surrounding them becomes exponentially charged. These are often times of great revelations and insights. Relationships can change. Fortunes are gained or lost. Questions are answered. Mysteries are uncovered. For me, it provoked some heavy contemplation as I pondered those of us who are happy to give up a little sleep to witness such a miracle and those who don't see the point. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that if you chose to stay snug in your bed rather than watch the eclipse you are somehow less than. Rather, I got to thinking about how some people are more willing to give of themselves or give something up in different circumstances in life than others. What drives this? Is it worth it?
The immediate parallel I drew is to my five-month old relationship. Though in its infancy based solely upon calendars days, it has been a rather intense one and we have traveled a lot of road together. In my marriage to C. I can look back now and see that I was very often the one in some sort of crisis mode, and I leaned on him a lot to get through those times. He did his best to exhibit patience and compassion in his way, and while we didn't work out in the end, I'll be forever grateful to him. Now I find myself in a situation where the tables have turned. When it comes to my relationship with A. he is the one who is fielding some curve balls that life is throwing his way, and I am the one reaching within to find stores of patience and compassion to support and love him with. Admittedly, there have been moments when I have felt as if perhaps I was being a little too self sacrificing for such a new relationship. Yet overwhelmingly, I am clear in the belief that even if that is the case, it is entirely worth it to me. Just as I'd happily miss out on a little sleep to witness the rare magic of the eclipse, I am willing to hold the hand of the man I love while he goes through whatever it is that he has to go through, even if it I sometimes have to pay a little for doing so. I know it is only temporary and the tables will inevitably turn again.
To me, this is what love, and karma, is about. It may look on the surface like I am giving something up. But what about all that I am gaining that may not be as readily visible? With A. I have the opportunity to really put into practice so much of what I have been working toward in my own personal transformation. I get to actively work on being more understanding, not imposing my will, maintaining my independence, loving with patience and compassion, communicating effectively and being part of a relationship with another deeply feeling, conscious human being. I get to experience passion, intensity, excitement, connection and so many other amazing sensations and feelings that come with being loved by this wonderful man. If I feel some frustration or unease at moments in the mix, isn't that a fair trade? They serve to give me needed reality checks and to help me appreciate the positive even more.
That is what this largely comes down to. There is shadow, and there is light. There is negative, and there is positive. There is loss, and there is gain. Without the side that is seemingly "bad" would we be able to fully appreciate that which is "good"? If the moon did not go into hiding, would we really appreciate her beauty? If every relationship were so smooth and easy as to present no challenges, would we ever grow? I think not. Rather than over-emphasizing the parts, look at the sum. If you are living and loving from a place of truth and integrity, chances are everything will balance out just as it should.