Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Home, Redefined

Another chapter is being written as once again I am setting off for Mother India, traveling east toward a land that draws me in with magnetic force like none other. As a seeker on the path, which I have very much considered myself to be, India had been calling. Just a little more than a year ago I was making this journey for the first time, heading to Delhi to begin my pilgrimage in this magical place. I remember feeling so bold, striking out on my own to a place unknown, a touch of trepidation mixed in with overwhelming excitement. Now that India and I have a personal relationship, and I know with every fiber of my being how much I adore her, I feel like I'm heading home even though I am set to explore all new parts of her glorious being. I will arrive in Kolkata, spend time in Puri and Mayapur, then head north to Nepal for a few days. these are hardly places I can call home in the traditional sense, yet I know the feeling will be present.

Home is an interesting concept for me right now. For the first time ever I don't have one, in the technical sense anyway. If home is where the heart is, as that lovely little saying goes, I could argue that I make my home wherever I go. Or I could say my home is as scattered around the globe as the ones I hold dear. Perhaps it's where my immediate biological family resides in northern California, though I've never actually lived there. I guess the closest thing I have to the common understanding of home is a house in south Florida where my beloved is staying, along with some of my worldly possessions, in between travels.

A few days ago I moved out of the townhouse I'd been calling home for four and a half years. I'd dubbed it my bachelorette pad when I moved there following the end of my marriage, and it served me so very well in that regard. I created a space that was my own, both physically and energetically. I got to know myself in that house, and through a process that involved a lot of breaking down to build back up, I healed, grew and emerged as an ever-more authentic version of myself. It wasn't always pretty and it definitely wasn't always easy, but who said the seeker's path is supposed to be? I wrote a very profound chapter of my life in that house, and learned that as you seek, so you shall find.

Now that house is no longer mine and that chapter has come to a close. I no longer have need for it. My work there is done. This journey to India marks the start of a journey into a newly anointed partnership with a man I love in ways I didn't even know to dream possible, and with him, I will make my home on the road, for a while anyway, as we set off to travel to places near and far. He, the professional gypsy as I like to say, and me, the professional who has only dabbled in gypsy life, are co-authoring now, and home is truly where the heart is.

A piece of my heart is flying east through the night sky, and a piece is with him since this particular portion of the journey is one I am making alone. Since January 1st, when we came into each others' worlds, colliding with considerable force and changing the paradigm for us both, we've been together far more than we've been apart. And that will certainly be the case for quite a while to come. But for the next two weeks, I will be on one side of the globe, he on the other, each traveling to a different land and having our own adventure.

When I reflect back on how I felt in past relationships, there was an insecurity present that would have had me uncomfortable with this sort of separation, especially so early on. That isn't something I'm proud to admit, especially since I've long believed myself to be very secure and solid in who I am. But in retrospect, I must acknowledge those pieces of me that had gotten broken along the way, and the relationships I attracted into my life in order to reveal and heal them. Partners I didn't feel completely secure with were a part of that experience. I needed to learn to feel wholly safe in and of myself in order to feel that with someone else. And I am finally there. What an amazing place to be!

One of the things I most adore about my beloved is his integrity. My sense of security in this relationship comes from the work I've done on me, yet it is also being handsomely rewarded by having a partner who lovingly creates that for me. Since the very first moments of our connection, every single thing he has said, he has done. He has shown himself to be a man of his word, and to be a man unafraid to make big, bold statements, not only in word, but deed as well. It's not for everyone to enter so quickly and deeply into a love like this. It's not for everyone to live outside the box and commit to building the kind of world many of us say we want to live in, but really only dream about. It's not for everyone to allow themselves to be seen, raw, real and vulnerable, by the eyes of another. And so he is not for everyone. He is for me, and I for him.

Firmly grounded in this Truth, I travel with lightness in my heart, peace permeating my every cell. I am no longer seeking where love is concerned. I have found what my heart yearned for, and that has awakened me to new possibilities. I feel so wholly secure in this love regardless of physical proximity because it is alive within me all the time. Whatever wounds we are meant to heal together, whatever lessons we are meant to learn, this is not one of them. This we already know. All we need and want to do where love is concerned is spread it around with limitless generosity.

Knowing that I am love and I am loved, I make my return to the land that I love, ready for whatever this adventure has to offer. I eagerly await a spiritual infusion as I occupy sacred spaces, keep company with conscious souls and spend my days as a living, breathing offering of devotion to the Divine. And whatever I am meant to both give and receive during these couple of weeks, I trust fully that it is all for the highest good of not only myself, but my beloved and all beings everywhere. When you align with the Truth, you align with the knowledge that all that happens is conspiring toward the highest good of the Universe.

So be it. And so it is.

4 comments:

  1. Was so perfect Goddess, it brought tears to my eyes. Blessing for you always.

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  2. so lovely...enjoy your journey.

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  3. Gratitude envelopes my heart. Finally a women in her power, in her purity, in her beauty of beingness. What a lucky man your beloved is....

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  4. Beautiful, courageous sharing my dear!!! I'm so happy for you. Enjoy your adventure. I think one is up and coming for me as well. Just waiting for God to open up the way because I certainly can't see it from my limited perspective. Love ya chica!

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