Bright light shining

I'll always give you a light.

We jotted down that line a few nights back while having an evening song writing, guitar strumming, chit-chatting rooftop session. Presumably it was to be a starting point for another creative collaboration. That's the best way to describe these last few weeks in and around Kannur: a creative collaboration. I've been blessed with a built-in crew of kindred spirits to share with while here and they've been the most incredible gift. Independently and collectively they've shown up as family, friends, teachers, students, guides and fellow seekers,  partners in manifesting something magical. I've even met a soulmate here and am soaring with that particular high. Light shines brightly all around me.

My frequent prayer is that whatever unique light I am meant to shine in this life emanate brilliantly from my heart in all I think, say and do. I pray that all my relationships, interactions and endeavors flow with grace. I know that light exists, I know others feel it too, but sometimes I succumb to doubt or confusion about how exactly to keep it growing stronger and clearer. I wonder just what I need to do to channel it into something greater than me, something that will have meaning and endure beyond this physical life. It touches my heart when I'm told my light has touched the heart of someone else, but I continue to feel I have so much more to give, something much broader reaching.

A little over a year ago the tantric priest at the ashram I frequent read my horoscope and told me I'd come to India and study Ayurveda for a month. While I dreamed of such a thing, at that time there was no way you could've convinced me of it becoming a reality so soon. But it did, and here I am. I've made pure, virgin coconut oil in the way of ancient, indigenous technique. I've worked side by side with a true Kalari medicine man cum village chiropractor/orthopedist, learning beyond language. I've shared countless meals with  conversations that start "And this is medicine for. . ." I've given nurturing and comfort through the healing energy that is innate within me and enhanced by this place.

I feel the light flicker a little brighter through this experience, and with the company I've been keeping a dream is slowly shaping itself into a plan. The vision, passion and intention are there: healing, sharing, teaching and inspiring via the knowledge and love we all possess. Part ancient tradition, part modern comfort, full community, constant satsang. My heart has come alive in so many ways. It's intoxicating.

And then comes the ego, the American conditioning, the fear and the doubt. Could I really? Should I even consider this? Will I be happy? What about my family? my friends? my career? my lifestyle? my finances?  I'm here in a place so steeped in spirit, surround by the example and inspiration of so many amazing souls, and still I can't fully let myself go into the dream space. They've given me their light so graciously and generously, yet still the real work for me is to release my need to control and simple bask in the glow.

It's an amazing process, really. Being in India, receiving the energy of so much history, spirit and amazing company has prompted tremendous self exploration and examination. It has me seeing myself, this world and my place in it in such a different light. So the promise made has been fulfilled. . . light has been given to me. Now I must decide how to spread it.