A Happy Heart

With Valentine's Day about to be upon us, love is in the air and on people's lips even more than the usual. I find it a little funny actually, that there needs to be a holiday for some people to really get into the spirit of love. The spirit of love is so present and all-pervading no matter when or where. The spirit of love is our very nature and we carry it with us in our hearts, in our souls, in every cell and fiber of our being. Yet we tend to forget this at times, or to disconnect from it, which is the cause of so much suffering and strife. So in honor of this season of love, I wanted to share an insight that I recently articulated in a very meaningful conversation with someone who means the world to me. . . Thank you, C.

As we travel along our respective paths through life, all of us ultimately seeking love, happiness, fulfillment, communion and the like, at one point or another most everyone falls into the trap of externalizing the search. We look for someone or something to magically make us feel loved, happy, fulfilled, connected, WHOLE. But we did not start our life's journey as anything less than whole. We did not start out as anything less than the complete and perfect embodiment of love, happiness and fulfillment, effortlessly and intrinsically connected to the source, to the one, to the Divine or whatever you'd like to call it. This is our very nature, so when we honor love outwardly on an occasion such as Valentine's Day or an anniversary or any other special date on the calendar of our lives, let us also remember to honor love inwardly, on that day and every other, because it is the love within us that makes all other love possible.

Nurturing and expressing your own love is what allows you to then connect to the love in others. Understanding that you and you alone have the power to create your own happiness and fulfillment is what shifts you into a space of constant contentment because nothing external can take that from you. The people and circumstances of your life can bring many ups and downs, highs and lows, yet you have an anchor to ground you through them all. That anchor is the love in your heart, the sense of your Self, that nothing and no one can shake. And when you are that solid and your love is that strong, it empowers you to attract and cultivate relationships and circumstances that feed that love and sense of self in the most positive way, thus perpetuating more of that yummy, juicy goodness all around.

Love yourself first and foremost. Take full and total responsibility for your happiness, fulfillment and the connections your form. Then you will know what it is to have a happy heart.

Love and blessings, friends!

Dawn

When I open my eyes to the dark stillness of the pre-dawn hours, there is a peace that fills me, different from any other time of day. The world seems calm, nurtured from a restful night, cool from the loving light of the moon and open to the infinite possibility that dawns with each new day.

I embrace this same energy.

Candles are lit.

Nag champa fills the air.

I bow, in reverence, to the image of my masters, the deities that inspire me, the Universe and the guru within.

Rolling out my mat, I connect slow, steady breath to soft, gentle movement. Bit by bit the stiffness that may linger from my night's sleep melts away. Toes curl. Feet point and flex. Ankles rotate. Hamstrings lengthen. Hips open. Spine twists, bends and grows taller. Shoulders roll. Neck circles. Crown of the head lights up, radiating vibrantly, reaching toward the heavens. Morning practice.

Now to breathe. Pranayama, breath control, to open and balance not only my respiratory channels but my energetic ones as well. Skull Shining Breath. Alternate Nostril Breathing. Slow, deep, three-part yogic breath. I am full.

Om. Om. Om.

Meditation. Sukasana or Ardha Padmasana to sit comfortably with a straight spine, chakras aligned. Japa Mala begins, using my prayer beads to count along with the silent, glorious repetition of my mantra. This is when I often notice the tingling sensation around my heart chakra, a swirl of buzzing energy around this sacred space, letting me know that I am open, receptive, alive and connected to the Universe. It is love.

Om. Om. Om.

The Gayatri Mantra. Perhaps the Sivananda Daily Chants. Various mantras and bhajans that stir my soul on this given day. Perhaps I need to experience a release and cry. Perhaps I need to spread some of the joy I feel inside through the vibration of my voice. Always I feel compelled to reflect from a space of gratitude. So after reading a message for the day and when the closing prayers are through, once again I prostrate and I give thanks. Every single time.

By now the sun is in the sky. Dawn has come and gone. The new day is here, and I, as a child of God, as a reflection of the grace of the Universe, as Self and self, am ready to begin again.

Namaste.

Putting the HAPPY in New Year

I completely love ringing in a new year. New beginnings, fresh starts, chances to set new intentions and resolutions, I am all for it. Celebrating joyously with the ones you love, focusing on the abundant blessings in life, what could be better? With all of this being so very present as we are just two days into 2012, it got me thinking. For all the intentions, resolutions, chances to begin again, the fundamental element is this: whatever you want, whatever you set out to accomplish, achieve or acquire, unless it is authentic and consistent with your own personal truth, it very likely won't stick and it almost certainly won't be a source of happiness.

The thing about this personal truth is it can be somewhat elusive. It takes a true commitment to seek it out, and while seeking you are most surely going to come across some aspects of yourself that may not be so pretty. We are such complex creatures with intricacies, quirks and predilections that allow each of us to be uniquely ourselves. Accordingly, it takes a lot to really know ourselves, to really grasp what makes us tick, what attracts or repels us, what nurtures, inspires and fulfills us, and how we operate in ways that either support bringing the things we want into our lives or not. Sometimes the hardest reality to face is the recognition that we very often stand in the way of our own happiness by acting inconsistently with our truth, making it hard to feel the true peace and happiness that we all desire.

I've spent a lot of time over these last couple of months reflecting purposefully on my truth, and the ways in which I can do a better job of supporting it. I realize my power, that my thoughts, words and actions are so strong and forceful that they can and do shape the course of my life. So if I am thinking, saying and doing things that are consistent with what I want to manifest, so it shall be. As soon as those thoughts, words and actions become inconsistent, I'm manifesting the opposite of what I say I want, the opposite of my truth. Not surprisingly, the clearest and most potent example of this for me has to do with love.

I know what I want in the man in my life, I know the kind of relationship I want to be in, and yet I have involved myself with partners who simply do not fit the bill. It isn't that they're bad guys, To the contrary, they're great guys, guys with plenty of redeeming qualities and strengths, an inner light that sparkles bright enough to have caught my eye and obviously enough common ground for us to connect over. But they also possess certain characteristics or behave in ways that I know don't work for me. I've tried and tried to make it work all the same, not realizing that being so inconsistent with what I know my truth to be is sending a giant mixed message to the Universe. If I say I want one thing, but settle for another, how is the Universe supposed to know what really works for me? If I say I want to be treated with a certain consideration and respect, but allow and accept a partner who treats me in ways that I feel are inconsiderate or disrespectful, I am not living my truth, and I won't ever be fully happy as a result. And it isn't what said guy does or does not do that will have an impact on my happiness. It is the deep-seeded, subconscious knowledge that either I am or am not living as authentically as possible that will determine my happiness. My happiness is my responsibility. I own it. It is up to me to surround myself with relationships, activities, etc. that support my happiness.

This may sound simple enough, but anyone who has gotten real with themselves and tried to look at this knows it is easier said than done. It is damn hard to call yourself out for getting in your own way because we are so conditioned to pointing a finger elsewhere and turning a blind eye. But that all too common euphemism, "I'm my own worst enemy" comes from somewhere. We often stand in the way of our true fulfillment and contentment simply because we haven't taken the time to fully understand what we really want to begin with. And once you've taken that step, the next is looking hard and deep to see the ways in which you can better bring that into being, because there is a very good chance you're doing an awful lot that runs counter to it. If you say you want to be in a loving, committed relationship but just hook-up all the time or always seem to end up with commitment-phobes, where do you think that is going to land you? If you say you want to cultivate a spiritual practice but wile away your days and party all the time instead of meditating, praying or connecting to a spiritual community, what do you expect to happen? If you say you want a career change, but don't bother to acquire new and different skills or search for other opportunities, do you think a new job will just fall into your lap? We all know the answers to these questions, and somewhere inside we know what we need to do.

So do it! Do it now! Do it in honor of 2012. Do it in honor of yourself. Get to know yourself and love yourself enough to be totally, unabashedly truthful then act in complete accordance. You may not be walking down the easiest path this way, but ultimately you will be walking down the happiest one. Here's to it!

What do YOU want?

Merry Christmas Eve! Today also happens to be the new moon in Capricorn, both auspicious times where much attention gets paid to attaining things we want. Where the former is concerned, there is so much fuss over material gifts, making sure you have the perfect party outfit, a delicious menu set for that celebratory dinner or fabulous plans to ring in the holidays. I'm not immune to any of that myself, though I hope we can all agree it should be kept within reason, and ultimately be clear that what matters is sharing meaningful time and being surrounded by the loving, uplifting energy of friends and family. Where the latter is concerned, with this new moon, coming just on the heels of the new sun that dawned with the winter solstice, we have an opportunity to focus on manifesting the gifts and celebrations of our heart's deepest desires. This is definitely worthy of full on focus, for where our attention goes, our energy flows and that is the surest way to attract into our lives the things we want.

My use of the word "things" is decidedly not meant to signify just material things. That may be applicable to some; however, in my case at least, there is literally nothing material that I absolutely want/need/cannot live without that I don't already have. Sure, an iPad would be awesome, a new car would be a blast, a shopping spree would be fun while it lasts, but is any of that going to change my life? Most certainly not. So at 1:06pm EST today, as I knelt at my altar in my freshly saged house, honoring the new moon and stating my intentions, desires and manifestations, my focus was single pointed and quite simple: love.

During this time of year, even the happiest and most blessed among us may find themselves feeling the twinge of a certain longing, reflecting on something that is absent or unfinished in their lives. Some may wish for health, whether for themselves or a loved one in need. Others may wish for a quarrel to be resolved, a distance to be bridged, a struggle to come to an end. And I know that I am unquestionably not alone in wishing for love. There is no desperation to this wish, there is no demand. There is simply the unshakable knowledge that I have so much love in my heart and what will fulfill me more than anything is to find someone to share it with. But that someone is not just anyone. That someone is the dreamer of dreams compatible with my own. He is ready and able to make them manifest just as I am. He is deeply spiritual and yet very worldly. He is a constant student and gracious teacher. He wants to be a father as surely as I want to be a mother. He values kindness, compassion, generosity and strength. He embodies grace and acts with passion. And in loving one another, the power of our love will grow exponentially, and there is certainly no harm in putting more love out into the world.

My life has such an abundance of love in it already that there are certain moments when I feel almost selfish asking for more. Yet this love is a unique love, different from the one I share with my mother and brother, my best friends, the dear and incredible children that I'm blessed to have in my life. This love has a depth and a power all its own. I've tasted it before, and consider myself so very fortunate to have done so. But tasting is tasting. And being fulfilled is being fulfilled. So seizing the special and potent opportunity of this day, I am making my desire known, and committing to do everything I need to do to ensure I am worthy and ready of it becoming manifest. I hope that you will be so bold as to do the same. Decide what you want and put it out there for the Universe. Speak it out loud or in your mind. Write it for the world to see or in your private journal. Do all of the above if you so choose, just so long as you give voice and clarity to your heart's desire. Then trust.

Wishing you a beautiful and bright holiday season!

Mercury in Retrograde and the Man Parade

I'm definitely not an astrology expert. Sometimes I feel like my base of knowledge in this area is just enough to be dangerous because it can get me into trouble trying to analyze things I don't fully understand. As an aquarius, I've learned about the aspects of myself that are and are not true to my sign. When a guy comes into my life I definitely read up on our compatibility, or lack thereof, from an astrological perspective. Understanding their signs has helped me to be more accepting of my friends in certain ways. And I absolutely know that when Mercury goes into retrograde, stuff gets a little haywire. I don't know what going into retrograde actually means; however, I am familiar with some of its symptoms, such as odd, inexplicable issues with electronic and mechanical devices, or things getting mysteriously lost or delayed. Relationships have a way of shifting, could be for better, could be for worse. And during this present Mercury retrograde I've been slapped in the face by yet another symptom: people from the past suddenly reappearing. My, oh my!!

I pride myself on the fact that I do not burn bridges. I don't slam doors in people's faces when they walk out of my life, or when I walk out of theirs, because you just never know when one of you may need or want to cross that threshold again. Like a good aquarius, I strive to maintain good relationships with my exes, or at least regard them well even if we're not actively in each others lives. For me, it is simply easier to reflect from a space of gratitude on all that was gained by the coming together of said ex and I than to harbor resentment about why it didn't work. We came together for a reason. Lifetime commitment may not have been it, but there was a reason to be sure. I'm grateful for them all.

Being grateful is one thing. Having a parade of exes stream through your life out of nowhere in the course of a week is another. Admittedly, I sought one of them out. C #1, my ex-husband, who remains one of my most sacred friends, has never really disappeared altogether, though sometimes we go months without seeing each other or even speaking. That said, we're unfailingly there for each other when needed, and well, I needed him so he came. Just as I knew it would, being together gave me a sense of comfort and security during a trying time. I am so thankful for the beautiful friendship we have. He's a great person, and I know I'm lucky to have him in my life. Of course, trying times can bring a lot of emotion up. You're vulnerable, maybe feeling extra stressed or sensitive. I was all of the above. And in that state, I found myself wondering "what if?" Not what if we stayed together, because I 110% believe that would not have been right. But what if we were to be together again? Like I said, no bridges will ever be burned. Yet right now neither one of us seems interested in jeopardizing a friendship as special as the one we've cultivated in order to explore any outlying possibilities, so I'm content to just leave that be.

As for the other three, well those I definitely did not seek out. I honestly didn't expect any of them, so each one was a shock in his own way, if not entirely a surprise. What it all means, I really do not know. Where it will lead, I know even less!

First there was R. whose name has never even been mentioned in this blog because he is from so far back in my past that he just doesn't factor in. There was never a thought of him reappearing. We're talking high school. Kid stuff really. My first. So when we ran into each other by complete chance encounter not once but twice around town, well, I started to wonder what that was all about. Now I know it was about nothing more than a little fun catch up, and in my case at least, a chance to see how far I've come and how much I've grown. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank you and goodbye.

Then out of the clear blue sky, A. contacts me. We haven't seen each other in close to a year. We haven't spoken in at least 8 months. He was hard to get over, like a band aid I just couldn't help but rip off slowly. While I never count anything out, I really didn't count on him coming back in. So we chatted and caught up on the highlights of each others lives this past year. I learned so very much through my relationship with A. In particular, I learned so much through the coming undone of it all. And just like with R. this was a chance to see how I've progressed since then. It's gratifying to be honest because I have grown a lot. I'm proud of myself. I worked hard. It was a concerted effort. Many tears were shed. Many restless nights were passed. That all seems so far behind me, and that's because it is. I can honor him for the teacher he was. I know he knows the good in me. So we both have things to be appreciative of, and that is that. Where it could go beyond here is anyone's guess. The beauty, for me, is having absolutely no attachment or expectations whatsoever. It is so liberating to feel that way toward someone that I once felt so attached to and expected so much of.

Last to make his appearance was C #2, my most recent love. This was hardest. This hurt. The only reason for the hurt is because I still have so much love and tenderness for him alive in me. Not yet two months removed from our love affair, anything to do with him still conjures such strong emotion for me. We've had some contact with each other during that time, but not much and not in-person. And I realized that pretty much all of the limited contact beyond the first week or so apart had been initiated by me. So my breath caught in my chest when I saw his name on my phone late last Friday night. I was out having a fun, fabulous Miami night with friends. The mood was joyful to the extreme. And just a "Hi. How are you?" from him rocked it all for me. What does he want? What do I want? Could I have been too impulsive in ending it? Could anything much really have changed in such a short time? Will we see each other? How will that feel? So many questions swirling in my mind. So many feelings swirling in my heart. So many opportunities to get myself in check.

That is basically what I've taken away from all of these unexpected encounters at this point. They happened so that I could check myself, reflect on myself and have some open, honest conversations with myself. Whatever does or does not happen with any or all of these men is secondary to what happens with me. Love, once lit, is an eternal flame in my opinion. I know I will always love C, A and C in a certain way. I love them each differently, appreciate them for a variety of reasons, and can only hope that I have inspired them in some way that contributes to their growth and fulfillment just as they have mine. But in the present moment, that is all there is where they are concerned. None of them has my heart now, nor I theirs. None of them is actively sharing in my life, nor I theirs. My heart is my own, my life is my own, and thus, all the lessons and experiences are my own. I feel fortunate that I had the chance to recall, and in some cases realize, the qualities in each of these men that I so adore, as well as those that I do not. Thanks to that, and the Law of Attraction, I can focus on the positive and trust that my future love will be the culmination of all these positive pieces that up until now I have only known scattered among different lovers. I gained further clarity into what I want, who I am and what I have to offer. As far as I'm concerned, that is a wonderful and worthwhile outcome after all the Mercury retrograde mayhem I experienced.

So whatever moon, star, planet or sun happens to be affecting you, I wish you that as well. I wish you the chance to know yourself better with every experience, every encounter. It is only in truly getting to know yourself that you can know real freedom, peace and contentment. That is ultimately what each of us is seeking, so let's honor that journey and honor the ones who help us along the way, whether we realize it in the moment or not.

Thank you, Rumi

I have been experiencing this sensation lately where I feel continuously pulled between conflicting emotions. For someone who is pretty decisive, that can be incredibly frustrating. I imagine it's just as frustrating if you are the indecisive type too. There's been a lot happening in my world, and what happens in my world invariably impacts my heart. Just as I was feeling particularly fragile earlier today, a friend shared this beautiful quote that resonated with me so deeply:

‎God turns you from one feeling to another
And teaches you by means of opposites
So that you will have two wings to fly,
Not one. - Rumi

Thank you, Rumi, for casting a light of clarity on a seeming conundrum. I was really starting to struggle a bit with all the opposites that I'd been feeling, but struggle is always only a self-created construct. All I needed to do was create another attitude toward this sensation in order to experience it differently. This doesn't change the conflicting feelings nor does it materially change any outward circumstance. But it does have the ability to change the impact on my heart, and that means everything.

For a little more than a month now, between the end of a very meaningful romance and the beginning of a very challenging chapter with my mom, I have felt simultaneously more alone than ever, all while being touched to my core by the love and support showered on me from so many sources. I have stood in a room full of friends and literally felt as isolated as if I were standing alone on a cliff over the deepest ocean. I have been going about my day feeling happy, strong and focused, only to be randomly seized by this lonely, sad vice that snatches me out of nowhere. How can this be, I've asked? When the pain of loneliness strikes, immediately my higher consciousness kicks in with the reminder that I am so blessed to have an incredible support system, the most amazing "framily" who show up for me in such beautiful and at times unexpected ways. So how could I be so ungrateful as to wallow in loneliness, if even for fleeting moments? Then I delve deeper, and I ask why should I invalidate any of my feelings? Rather than dismissing them or judging myself for them, this is a time to explore, to get curious, to really understand what is prompting all of these seemingly disparate emotions.

In a gift from the Divine, Rumi comes along and sums it all up for me. Just as we need dark to appreciate light, pain to appreciate pleasure, lack to appreciate abundance, we need to feel conflicting emotions to fully appreciate the whole of our human experience. In so doing we can spread two equally strong, steady, graceful wings to fly with. Any imbalance between those two wings, and we fall. It is just that simple.

Secure your oxygen mask before assisting others around you

Earlier today a friend came to me for a bit of advice. She was asking how to stay still in the midst of other people's chaos since she's in a very peaceful place while others close to her seem to be experiencing their fair share of difficulty. Welcome to the story of my life lately. It couldn't be mere coincidence that she posed this question just as I find myself living the same thing. Someone I love dearly, wholly and differently from any other person on this planet is going through an awful time. While that is happening, my life is pretty darn amazing, and it can be challenging to reconcile the mix of emotions I feel as well as maintain my own balance. Needing to process all of my stuff as well as respond to my friend's question, I figured writing was my best bet. So here are some tips, in no particular order:

Tip #1: Use the challenge as a lesson.

When someone very close to you is going through a difficult time, it is bound to effect you. Assuming you have a modicum of compassion and empathy in your warm, beating heart how could you not be stirred by the suffering of one you care about? Perhaps some of us take on more than we need to, while others don't take enough. Who knows? Who cares? The point is, when a tough situation presents itself in this way, there's a reason for it and there's a reason you're party to it so you're best served to figure out what that is. Rather than wallow in said stuff, thereby encouraging the sufferer to do the same, learn from it. Without getting too stuck in your respective heads about the situation, look at it as objectively and creatively as possible to find the lesson(s) and perhaps even the solution(s) that the matter at hand has been delivered up by the Universe to bring you to. After all, the trials and tribulations of life are never more than we can truly bear and they are here to inspire growth, healing and ultimately positivity. So find that and share it. Share it with the person struggling. Share it with others who could maybe learn from the example. Share it because sharing lightens your load and deepens your bonds. It lets you know you're not alone, and there is value to whatever is happening. (Side note- all the above applies to your own struggles too)

Tip #2: What's mine is mine, what's yours is yours

In close relationships we generally tend to encourage a dissolution of many boundaries, material and otherwise. Generosity is pervasive, shared responsibility is necessary and there is a heightened intimacy that comes from having such freedom with another person. But this isn't true in all areas. We've all got our issues and our baggage. We've all got our problems and our hang-ups. When someone near and dear to us is caught up in all that, it is important to have a clear understanding of where their stuff stops and your stuff starts. Don't take another's issues on as your own. Recognize when you are falling into the trap of assuming their drama, or worse, blaming their issue/situation as the cause of your own feelings about it. If we strive to be accountable, we have to know what is ours as much as when to release something that isn't. You can be supportive and empathetic, yes, but there must be boundaries. Whether it is expressing that you've reached the limits of what you can handle or offer in an attempt to help, or acknowledging that you're using the person as a scapegoat for your own issues, you've got to own it. You've got to be honest, with yourself and others.

Tip #3: Be the change

In the wise and timeless words of the great Mahatma Gandhi, " . . .be the change. . ." that the person struggling wishes for them self. Lead by positive example. If you are the one living healthy, making wise choices, doing good in the world, being responsible or whatever the positive example is, keep at it! Don't get dragged down into the depths of their difficulty. Instead, be the light the shines above, illuminating the path toward whatever positive change. And DO NOT feel guilty about it. Guilt comes up for a lot of us when someone close to us is struggling through something, feeling down perhaps, and we're out there living large and happy. I know for me can happen and it stems from a desire to share the wealth if you will. When I'm feeling good and my life is going great, I want to share that with everyone important to me. I want to bring them all into the fold, and admittedly, I've experienced feeling a little guilty when I'm riding a high and someone I love is stuck in a low. But guilt doesn't get us anywhere. Fostering positive energy and example does. So stick with that and everyone involved has a much greater chance of reaping the benefits than if you succumb to guilt and sink to the low.

Tip #4: Take care of you

In the face of tough times, whether yours or someone you love, you have to keep your strength up. So that means nurturing yourself, and maybe even pampering yourself a little extra. This goes for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength. It is so essential to keep your foundation solid or you can't be of use to anyone. For me, this means meditating and chanting regularly, getting in as much time on the yoga mat and exercising as possible, having fun and surrounding myself with people, places and activities that make me smile, laugh and feel inspired. It also means the occasional chocolate and peanut butter frosting cupcake for dinner (like tonight) or rocking out like mad to some angry music or whatever scratches the particular itch that you need to get it at in order to show up as fully present and strongly reinforced as possible. You should never apologize for taking good care of yourself, for taking time for yourself, especially when something challenging is looming. That's when you need it the most.

Tip #5: Love holding love

Focusing on the spiritual side of things for a moment, while you are the one holding a space of calm amidst the storm, hold a space of love. Embody love, be love, create love, share love, inspire love. Having pure, positive intention is powerful stuff. Let your intention be to promote love, healing, peace, joy, transcendence and liberation. Create a space for all of this in your heart and hold it there for the one you care about. Hold it there until they are ready to occupy it fully themselves. Do everything in your power to sustain hope for and belief in brighter days. Just focusing your energy and intention on that has the power to make it manifest. This is so important, so fundamental.

So to everyone out there working to support someone they love, for everyone leaning on someone for support, take heart in knowing there is a reason for it all and there is the opportunity for much good to come from whatever struggles you face. And know for certain that you must have your own proverbial oxygen mask properly secured before you can possibly hope to help someone with theirs. That's life. Life it fully. Live it well.