Getting where I'm going

Often the most fascinating aspect of travel isn't just the place, it's the people. Take an airport for instance, especially a large international hub. Chances are you will hear unfamiliar languages, skin colors as diverse as the rainbow, fashion across the entire spectrum. You might see displays of affection not suitable for public consumption by one standard and completely normal by another. Chat up the person sitting next to you and you could be talking to a veritable globe trotter or a first-time flyer. Watch, and random acts of kindness will unfold right alongside that stereotypical irate traveler. You never know what you're going to get, only that by being an open observer and willing participant in this amazing display of humanity, you will be influenced, and perhaps even enhanced.

Right now it's 4:20am by my body's clock but 9:20am in Amsterdam where I have my layover to Delhi. I arrived to a dark, rainy winter morning, bleary-eyed from the few hours of airplane sleep I managed to get, yet excited to step into an unknown territory. Just seeing signs in a language I can't read, foods I wouldn't regularly find at home, shops whose names I can't pronounce and all the other trademarks of a foreign airport and my bleary eyes turned bright. Even though Brad Pitt's beautiful face is plastered around hocking Chanel No. 5, McDonald's is serving up its fare and other signs of thriving American capitalism abound, I love this.

Just going to the ladies room was an interesting experience. All of us girls, no matter what the accent, country of departure or final destination, were pulling out our cosmetic cases with impressive synchronization, moisturizing faces, powdering noses, brushing teeth. The prim and proper stood side by side with the backpackers. The young with the old. Common courtesy was a given. Common custom a pleasant surprise to witness.

After a bit of meandering, I found the space my soul must've sensed even before my brain even registered it was there: the meditation center. What a beautiful haven! Walk down a corridor away from the bright lights, music and hustle of people and a calmness takes over, leading straight to a sanctuary open to all, dedicated to contemplation and compassion.

 The room is light and peaceful, with colorful glass art on the walls, a single tree, bookshelves lined with bibles and other spiritual texts in many languages, prayer mats, meditation benches and seats so you can take your pick of how to practice. I crept in quietly so as to not disturb a man sitting cross-legged and praying in a whisper. Out of the corner of my upside-down eye while practicing headstand I saw an Orthodox Jewish man bind himself with teflin. When I had completed my seated meditation I turned to see a Muslim man positioned toward Mecca, engaged in his prayer routine. Others had come and gone in the time that had lapsed, leaving behind an intangible imprint that only the subtle senses could perceive. It was one of the most beautiful, moving experiences I've ever had. All these different faiths, sharing space in one small room, worshipping and communing with the Divine, showing such respect and reverence for one another. That is the world I wish to live in, and there it was.

To think, this was just the airport! Imagine what spiritual awakening and displays of divinity are in store once I actually get to where I'm going. And on that note, off I go!

Leaping into the unknown

Look before you leap, or so they say. Who are “they” anyway? And why should their rules apply to me and my life? Now don’t get me wrong . . . I’m not necessarily rebellious, at least not in any readily identifiable way.  I’ve just always had an intrinsic belief that there are rules, norms, expectations, etc. in life that can simply be bent, if not thrown out the window altogether. Couple that with an adventurous spirit and let the fun begin!

My dad used to love to tell a story about me as a young child. There was this beautiful park near our home in New York with a huge field stretching out from it. To my toddler self that field must have seemed to reach to the ends of the earth. One day my parents let me loose to see what I’d do. I ran. I ran and ran and never once stopped to look back. There was no fear. There was no wondering if someone was watching me, whether for safety sake or approval. There was only me, the brilliant green of the grass, the bright blue of the sky, the ends of the earth and whatever lay beyond.

True to toddler form, earlier this year while in Jamaica with some friends we found ourselves at a very well known cliff-jumping site. It was packed with showy locals and gawking tourists perpetuating the spectacle as human bodies plummeted from the rocky ledges to the crystal blue ocean below.  We sat and watched. Then the urge took me, and I was standing at the edge, a prayer on my lips, solid ground suddenly swept out from beneath my feet as I stepped off into the air. I closed my eyes and literally did not look as I leapt. I felt time slow down in a way I’ve never experienced before as the wind rushed past and the water rose to meet me. It was exhilarating, terrifying and life affirming. For what felt like an eternity, though I know it to have been mere seconds, I tasted the sensation of not only going to the ends of the earth, but also finding what lies beyond.

Tomorrow I am boarding a plane for India. In typical don’t look before you leap fashion, inspiration struck, the stars aligned and suddenly I was making arrangements for six weeks away from life as I know it to travel to Mother India. For me India is the place of dreams, my dreams, as I feel a connection to this land and its culture stronger than I’ve ever felt about any other place. Through yoga many Hindu traditions and Indian customs have woven themselves into the fabric of my life, yet my life is still lived in comfortable Western style for the most part. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to be challenged in ways I can only begin to imagine. I want to let go of the idea of who I think I am so I have space to embrace who I will become through this journey. To do that I’m traveling farther than I’ve ever gone, for a longer solo trip than I’ve ever made to a place with a culture more drastically different than the ones I know. And if I’m at all apprehensive or have been at any moment in preparing for this adventure, that apprehension pales in comparison to the anticipation and delight that I take in running, flying, falling, and soaring into the unknown.

I guess some things never change.

This I know to be true: I thrive on exploring my edge and pushing beyond it. Lately I’ve felt a bit stifled by a sort of complacency and redundancy in certain aspects of my life. I’m craving the chance to shake things up. I want to get lost, turned inside out and upside down. I want to see, smell, taste, hear and, most importantly, feel things that are new, different and maybe even a little uncomfortable. That is how I know I’m alive. That is how I feel vital. And I believe that is how I am best meant to be of service and find my way along the Divine path I’m following through this life.

Another truth: I have a tremendous capacity to manifest my dreams. Don’t get me wrong . . . I’m not special in this way. We can all do this. It just happens that I’ve put a lot of effort into getting clear on what it is I want to attract into my life and making it happen. It is something I work at constantly, something I have been successful at in certain areas while continuing to hone my skill in others. A very practical tool for manifesting that I’ve been using for several years now is a vision board. I create one near the start of the year and use it to guide me toward the things I most want to feel, create, be, accomplish, etc. India is the crown jewel of this year’s vision board, and it is truly remarkable that I can sit here and say every single thing I pasted to that piece of plain white poster board has become manifest. 2012 was full of spirit, fearlessness, friendship, love, music, sexual exploration, travel, yoga, financial health, awakening, unexpected turns and joyful moments, which is exactly what I ordered up.  And the adventure continues as I welcome 2013, and a new vision, in India.

I don’t know exactly what my time in India will bring about, but I do know, strongly, certainly, intrinsically, that I will be changed by the experience. I want to be changed for it is only through change that I evolve into the person I want to be. As I immerse myself in the unfolding of this process, this experience, I look forward to sharing pieces of it with you. I deeply believe we need to share with one another more. As we shift into a new consciousness, a new era energetically speaking, it is so critical that we share, collaborate and all around concern ourselves more with each other. The lessons we learn as individuals can and do contribute to the collective. So let’s put it out there for everyone to see and learn from. That is what this blog has always been about, and I am thrilled to share from my heart, from India, with you.

Namaste. 

Evolution

Has it really been so many months since I've posted a blog? I hadn't realized that until out of the blue a reader commented that she looks back on my posts for inspiration, which touched me. It occurred to me that I hadn't put any inspiration out there (via this medium) in quite some time. So it got me thinking. . . What has changed in the last bunch of months? There was a time when I blogged faithfully multiple times a month. There was a time when I journaled daily. Writing has often been my go-to therapy. Yet lately it seems like it's been the time for processing my experiences and emotions in a different way. Why I wonder?

To be alive is to evolve. Could you imagine the world otherwise? If we all liked, wanted and knew the same things we did as children, what kind of world would we be living in? Well, maybe that wouldn't be such a terrible world, but you get my point! And getting back to it. . . Life carries us along through many different stages and places. Some of us prefer to be a passenger on the ship, as it were, while others opt to play captain. Some of us take our growth reactively, others proactively. But grow we must, and grow we do.

I started writing this blog when my marriage ended. I wrote my pain and my pleasure, my dark and my light so that ultimately I could come to see the oneness of it all and help my evolution along. Did I know that would happen? Not necessarily. Did I know other people would care to hear what I had to say? I hoped so, but nothing is guaranteed. Did I intend for my subsequent relationships, spiritual experiences, breakdowns and breakthroughs, all pretty personal subject matter, to become the content of this public forum? Definitely not. Yet that is exactly what transpired, and it has been a significant part of my evolution. I am most certainly not the same person who started writing back in 2010. And while I love her dearly, I am so glad to have evolved into the Jess I am today.

So if writing was such an integral part of my growth process for such a long time, and I know how much I enjoy the act, why haven't I been doing it much lately? I believe it comes down to attachment, or non-attachment, these days. I was attached to my marriage for six years, and when that was gone, I sought to attach myself to other things/people/activities to fill the void. While I had my yoga practice and my spiritual path to support me, those are largely individualized and internalized. I wasn't yet strong enough to be without a regular source of external support as well.

Of course, none of this was obvious to me at the time. I felt I was transitioning quite well into the next chapter of my life, embracing my independence, enjoying the freedom of being single and living fully. While all of that may have been true, I was also clinging very tightly to my group of incredible friends and soaking up the energy that came to me in the form of praise for my writing and other external pursuits, not unlike the way I might lean on and bask in the adoration of a partner. Apparently I wasn't loving myself quite enough to be able to feel fully adored, balanced, content and safe without some external validation. Attachment, as those of us who study yogic philosophy know, is the cause of much suffering and ultimately a hindrance to one's growth. So substituting an attachment to one thing for another is still attachment, and accordingly your growth will only go so far. Cultivating non-attachment, enjoying and even benefiting from "things" without feeling any possessiveness or dependency, is the real work.

Recently I have gotten much more comfortable being with me just doing my own thing. While I used to feel something was wrong if I didn't have a packed calendar or wasn't in the company of others all the time, lately I prefer to have more down time in my schedule and spend more time with myself. Of course, a social butterfly like me doesn't change her wings altogether. I still derive great pleasure from being out and about doing things I enjoy in the company of people I care about, those who uplift and inspire me. I've just become more selective about how I exchange energy. I'd rather read than write these days, turning to the words and teachings of ancient masters and modern-day mentors to further my evolution. I'd rather take a really amazing yoga class or chant my heart out at a kirtan on a Friday night then be out on the town. I'd rather cultivate my energy and share it with others wisely, kindly and compassionately than put it out there indiscriminately. None of this is to say I'm shutting myself off from the world. To the contrary, I'm channeling my focus to craft the world the way I want to live in it. . . at a higher vibration.

So thank you, JW, for prompting this opportunity for reflection and for bringing me to this moment where I felt inspired to write because it feels really good. If my words inspire you in turn it will be an amazing gift that I feel blessed to receive. And if you don't "hear" from me again for a while, know that it's just because I'm at a place in my evolution where I need to go inward a bit more, but my love and positivity will always flow outward toward the greater good as well.

Love, light and blessings.

Follow Your Yellow Brick Road

Just as Dorothy and her friends followed the yellow brick road to reach the Wizard of Oz and fulfill the wish that was dearest to each of them, all of us are doing something very similar. We are walking down our own roads with the goals, wishes, dreams and desires of our hearts and imaginations driving us forward. As each brick is laid down before us on this path called life really the only choice we get is whether to step forward faithfully or fearfully. Sure, we could stand still, but where would that get us? Walk with fear and the shadows and demons you believe exist will certainly find you. Walk with faith and you allow for the beauty and magic of your path unfold.

Maybe, like me, there are moments when you’ve grown a bit weary of the walking. It is daunting and frustrating to be sure when you have such a clear vision of what you’re walking toward and yet it is so seemingly unreachable. Fear would dishearten you. It would have you believe you’re not capable enough to reach your goal, not worthy of the prize you seek or any other number of fallacies. Faith, however, will sustain you. It will nudge you forward, providing you with precisely what you need to experience in order to grow, learn, mature and evolve so that you may get where you want to go. The Universe is not conspiring against us. On the contrary it is conspiring with us to make manifest the pure, true essence of love and light that are our very nature. If what you dream and desire is in the spirit of that nature, please have faith and believe that it will come to fruition.

And please know that I know well just how tricky it can be to walk this walk. I’m not preaching something I haven’t been through myself! If it were easy to wait patiently for life to unfold then we’d miss out on so many opportunities to become ever better versions of ourselves. We would not have a frame of reference from which to truly appreciate the abundant blessings bestowed upon us. We can better revel in light’s beauty because we have known darkness. We can better taste the sweetness of nourishing, delicious food when we have known what it is to be hungry or consume only impurities. We can truly revere the sacred importance of having a loving, devoted partner when we’ve known what it is to live life without one. I’m not suggesting you seek out the negative extremes just for the sake of having a richer experience with the positive one. Rather, be mindful of it all. Be keenly aware of every opportunity and experience, every brick on your path down the road of life, because it is there for a reason. Sometimes that reason is to teach a hard, uncomfortable lesson so you can better receive a blessing that is to come somewhere down the road.

Me, I’m not the most patient person by nature. It has taken a great concerted effort to practice more patience, and more mindfulness, in my life. I grew tired of suffering the consequences of living the other way. Lack of patience ultimately stems from control issues. When you’re impatient it’s because you want what you want, when you want it, because you want to be in control. When you finally have the ah-ha moment where you realize how precious little you get to control, patience is a lot easier to come by. And when you’re practicing patience, faith replaces fear almost effortlessly. Don’t believe me? Give it a try and see if it isn’t a little easier and more joyful to take those next steps down your Yellow Brick Road.

 Happy trails!
 

A Happy Heart

With Valentine's Day about to be upon us, love is in the air and on people's lips even more than the usual. I find it a little funny actually, that there needs to be a holiday for some people to really get into the spirit of love. The spirit of love is so present and all-pervading no matter when or where. The spirit of love is our very nature and we carry it with us in our hearts, in our souls, in every cell and fiber of our being. Yet we tend to forget this at times, or to disconnect from it, which is the cause of so much suffering and strife. So in honor of this season of love, I wanted to share an insight that I recently articulated in a very meaningful conversation with someone who means the world to me. . . Thank you, C.

As we travel along our respective paths through life, all of us ultimately seeking love, happiness, fulfillment, communion and the like, at one point or another most everyone falls into the trap of externalizing the search. We look for someone or something to magically make us feel loved, happy, fulfilled, connected, WHOLE. But we did not start our life's journey as anything less than whole. We did not start out as anything less than the complete and perfect embodiment of love, happiness and fulfillment, effortlessly and intrinsically connected to the source, to the one, to the Divine or whatever you'd like to call it. This is our very nature, so when we honor love outwardly on an occasion such as Valentine's Day or an anniversary or any other special date on the calendar of our lives, let us also remember to honor love inwardly, on that day and every other, because it is the love within us that makes all other love possible.

Nurturing and expressing your own love is what allows you to then connect to the love in others. Understanding that you and you alone have the power to create your own happiness and fulfillment is what shifts you into a space of constant contentment because nothing external can take that from you. The people and circumstances of your life can bring many ups and downs, highs and lows, yet you have an anchor to ground you through them all. That anchor is the love in your heart, the sense of your Self, that nothing and no one can shake. And when you are that solid and your love is that strong, it empowers you to attract and cultivate relationships and circumstances that feed that love and sense of self in the most positive way, thus perpetuating more of that yummy, juicy goodness all around.

Love yourself first and foremost. Take full and total responsibility for your happiness, fulfillment and the connections your form. Then you will know what it is to have a happy heart.

Love and blessings, friends!

Dawn

When I open my eyes to the dark stillness of the pre-dawn hours, there is a peace that fills me, different from any other time of day. The world seems calm, nurtured from a restful night, cool from the loving light of the moon and open to the infinite possibility that dawns with each new day.

I embrace this same energy.

Candles are lit.

Nag champa fills the air.

I bow, in reverence, to the image of my masters, the deities that inspire me, the Universe and the guru within.

Rolling out my mat, I connect slow, steady breath to soft, gentle movement. Bit by bit the stiffness that may linger from my night's sleep melts away. Toes curl. Feet point and flex. Ankles rotate. Hamstrings lengthen. Hips open. Spine twists, bends and grows taller. Shoulders roll. Neck circles. Crown of the head lights up, radiating vibrantly, reaching toward the heavens. Morning practice.

Now to breathe. Pranayama, breath control, to open and balance not only my respiratory channels but my energetic ones as well. Skull Shining Breath. Alternate Nostril Breathing. Slow, deep, three-part yogic breath. I am full.

Om. Om. Om.

Meditation. Sukasana or Ardha Padmasana to sit comfortably with a straight spine, chakras aligned. Japa Mala begins, using my prayer beads to count along with the silent, glorious repetition of my mantra. This is when I often notice the tingling sensation around my heart chakra, a swirl of buzzing energy around this sacred space, letting me know that I am open, receptive, alive and connected to the Universe. It is love.

Om. Om. Om.

The Gayatri Mantra. Perhaps the Sivananda Daily Chants. Various mantras and bhajans that stir my soul on this given day. Perhaps I need to experience a release and cry. Perhaps I need to spread some of the joy I feel inside through the vibration of my voice. Always I feel compelled to reflect from a space of gratitude. So after reading a message for the day and when the closing prayers are through, once again I prostrate and I give thanks. Every single time.

By now the sun is in the sky. Dawn has come and gone. The new day is here, and I, as a child of God, as a reflection of the grace of the Universe, as Self and self, am ready to begin again.

Namaste.

Putting the HAPPY in New Year

I completely love ringing in a new year. New beginnings, fresh starts, chances to set new intentions and resolutions, I am all for it. Celebrating joyously with the ones you love, focusing on the abundant blessings in life, what could be better? With all of this being so very present as we are just two days into 2012, it got me thinking. For all the intentions, resolutions, chances to begin again, the fundamental element is this: whatever you want, whatever you set out to accomplish, achieve or acquire, unless it is authentic and consistent with your own personal truth, it very likely won't stick and it almost certainly won't be a source of happiness.

The thing about this personal truth is it can be somewhat elusive. It takes a true commitment to seek it out, and while seeking you are most surely going to come across some aspects of yourself that may not be so pretty. We are such complex creatures with intricacies, quirks and predilections that allow each of us to be uniquely ourselves. Accordingly, it takes a lot to really know ourselves, to really grasp what makes us tick, what attracts or repels us, what nurtures, inspires and fulfills us, and how we operate in ways that either support bringing the things we want into our lives or not. Sometimes the hardest reality to face is the recognition that we very often stand in the way of our own happiness by acting inconsistently with our truth, making it hard to feel the true peace and happiness that we all desire.

I've spent a lot of time over these last couple of months reflecting purposefully on my truth, and the ways in which I can do a better job of supporting it. I realize my power, that my thoughts, words and actions are so strong and forceful that they can and do shape the course of my life. So if I am thinking, saying and doing things that are consistent with what I want to manifest, so it shall be. As soon as those thoughts, words and actions become inconsistent, I'm manifesting the opposite of what I say I want, the opposite of my truth. Not surprisingly, the clearest and most potent example of this for me has to do with love.

I know what I want in the man in my life, I know the kind of relationship I want to be in, and yet I have involved myself with partners who simply do not fit the bill. It isn't that they're bad guys, To the contrary, they're great guys, guys with plenty of redeeming qualities and strengths, an inner light that sparkles bright enough to have caught my eye and obviously enough common ground for us to connect over. But they also possess certain characteristics or behave in ways that I know don't work for me. I've tried and tried to make it work all the same, not realizing that being so inconsistent with what I know my truth to be is sending a giant mixed message to the Universe. If I say I want one thing, but settle for another, how is the Universe supposed to know what really works for me? If I say I want to be treated with a certain consideration and respect, but allow and accept a partner who treats me in ways that I feel are inconsiderate or disrespectful, I am not living my truth, and I won't ever be fully happy as a result. And it isn't what said guy does or does not do that will have an impact on my happiness. It is the deep-seeded, subconscious knowledge that either I am or am not living as authentically as possible that will determine my happiness. My happiness is my responsibility. I own it. It is up to me to surround myself with relationships, activities, etc. that support my happiness.

This may sound simple enough, but anyone who has gotten real with themselves and tried to look at this knows it is easier said than done. It is damn hard to call yourself out for getting in your own way because we are so conditioned to pointing a finger elsewhere and turning a blind eye. But that all too common euphemism, "I'm my own worst enemy" comes from somewhere. We often stand in the way of our true fulfillment and contentment simply because we haven't taken the time to fully understand what we really want to begin with. And once you've taken that step, the next is looking hard and deep to see the ways in which you can better bring that into being, because there is a very good chance you're doing an awful lot that runs counter to it. If you say you want to be in a loving, committed relationship but just hook-up all the time or always seem to end up with commitment-phobes, where do you think that is going to land you? If you say you want to cultivate a spiritual practice but wile away your days and party all the time instead of meditating, praying or connecting to a spiritual community, what do you expect to happen? If you say you want a career change, but don't bother to acquire new and different skills or search for other opportunities, do you think a new job will just fall into your lap? We all know the answers to these questions, and somewhere inside we know what we need to do.

So do it! Do it now! Do it in honor of 2012. Do it in honor of yourself. Get to know yourself and love yourself enough to be totally, unabashedly truthful then act in complete accordance. You may not be walking down the easiest path this way, but ultimately you will be walking down the happiest one. Here's to it!